Desires
by Owlymerlin
Summary: After the events at Kyoto, Tatsumi takes an afternoon to think about his own desires and what he wants to do.


Cold-hearted.

That's what the others thought about him.

Tatsumi watched Tsuzuki and Kurosaki leave the bureau and head out on another case. It was just like any other, and yet, dread settled at the pit of his stomach. A feeling that left him feeling exactly the way others described him, cold. He couldn't say for sure why he felt dread, but he wished the two the best of luck on their case.

Sighing, he turned away from the window and eased into his chair. Staring at the computer screen, Tatsumi just couldn't seem to focus on his work. There were reports to look over, the budget to re-do, and there were still other cases that needed his attention.

The shadows he controlled, nipped at the edge, wanting to be used, wanting to be useful. They could feel the dread settling over Tatsumi, as if a warning to some danger that had as of yet presented itself. He pushed them back as he often did when they were not needed, which seemed to be hardly ever at this point. But considering the last time he used them, Tatsumi knew why he was sitting at a desk instead of out in the field like the others. Besides, he had no partner to go with him, not that it had stopped Tsuzuki much when he was between partners. Though he was glad the older shinigami was slowly becoming vulnerable with Kurosaki. The two certainly made an interesting pair, and while Tatsumi hated to admit it, Tsuzuki was in better hands with Kurosaki than with his own. He understood that even if it hurt.

Re-reading the same line at least ten times on the computer screen, Tatsumi finally gave up on trying to do much of anything in this state. Leaning back in his chair, he took off his glasses to clean them. Why was it that when it came to Tsuzuki, he could so easily be undone? They had tried to make it work, but neither of them were in a position to have supported each other. They gave and took and leaned against each other until they both broke. Tatsumi just had the excuse to leave because he needed control, not over their relationship, but of his own powers. The shadows, they were dangerous and out of control in the beginning. Now he had a finesse of using them he didn't have then. But that didn't change much of the relationship between him and Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki wanted love, but couldn't accept it so easily and Tatsumi… he wanted to give love, but hardly knew how.

Kurosaki on the other hand, he came into the bureau like a whirlwind, changing their views, their perspectives, until things were laid out, bare. Not everything could be fixed or changed so quickly or easily, but at there was some growth, some development between the members here. It was significant in the way someone felt after witnessing some phenomenon that left them inspired, refreshed, and most of all filled with hope that things would be okay. Saving Tsuzuki and Kurosaki, it had been his choice. He could have only saved Kurosaki. He could have given Tsuzuki the one thing he wanted more it the world at the moment, but there was something. Just a hint of something that came from the words Watari said that day. They could do as they pleased. And it seemed most of the office had already come to that conclusion.

For Tatsumi, it wasn't so clear what he wanted anymore. The one person he wanted, he couldn't have and he couldn't— or rather wouldn't— come between Tsuzuki and Kurosaki.

There was something there, a feeling that the two could accomplish anything so long as they had each other. So where did that leave his own desires? He just didn't know.

Feeling lost, he put his glasses back on and tried to work once more only to be distracted with thoughts again. He could normally distract himself from the thoughts by working, but today it seemed quite the opposite. Just what was wrong with him? Tatsumi wasn't even sure he could answer his own question or maybe he was afraid of doing so. Making change, confronting demons he had yet to do so with, or maybe it was simply because Tsuzuki was finally moving on. Closing his eyes, Tatsumi leaned back. Maybe— Just maybe, he could do what his body seemed to need. Slowly his breathing evened out as he fell asleep in his chair the dread he felt earlier slowly shifting as he hoped the bureau continued to change and grow into a place that Tsuzuki could one day be happy in.


End file.
